The invitation was one of the most beautiful I had seen, smooth ivory stock, wrapped in vellum and sealed with a wax insignia. Like a message of peace in the middle of a war, I propped it on my dresser- as a good omen. And looked at it occasionally because it made me smile.
The dress was hanging in the closet with others, tags still on them, bought for events I was attending long before this disaster separated us from those we love, redefined joy, and made gatherings a navigational challenge like a long math equation people way smarter than me can figure out.
I
The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five-pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
My husband gave me a card today.
It said,
Happy Valentine’s Day
Happy Anniversary
Happy Birthday
And every other “happy” that has been different, because of Covid.
The only thing that hasn’t changed through all of this is how happy I am when I am with you.
I close my eyes and I can see
The world that’s waiting up for me
That I call my own
Through the dark, through the door
Through where no one’s been before
But it feels like home
October 5, 2020
We placed stones on the headstone of my grandmother, Bessie and my grandfather, Benjamin. It is a Jewish tradition to signify that we had visited. I couldn’t remember having been there before. I was fascinated with the beautiful old cemetery, in which each synagogue, or community had their own section.
If we learn nothing else from this tragedy,we learn that life is short and there is no time for hate.
~Sandy Dahl, wife of Flight 93 pilot Jason Dahl~
On the Tuesday of 9/11, my assistant told me to put the TV on right away. It was 9 a.m. We watched a replay as the first plane tore through the World Trade Center.
A lot has changed in a short time. I can hear birds outside my window and see that the trees and flowers know it’s become spring…
It’s been almost two weeks since we took action and chose to work remotely. This, is very new and yet I am inspired by watching how we can adapt, be resourceful and remain committed.
Today the birds are even louder, or is it me, paying attention?
As we begin week 4 of our “remote” routine, I am noticing so many things.
The past week seemed like something shifted. Maybe I have allowed my mind to quiet enough to notice more. Time has taken on a different meaning. I imagine what I once accomplished in a single day.
As the weeks pass one into the next, I am mindful that each day is yet another blank canvas.
One of our clients wrote these words, “ What did I exchange another day for?” I loved this. It made me stop and think… yes, there is gratitude and contemplation…
We wandered aimlessly
Love was cheap
we took it for granted on the street.
We could be less patient and care less then.
So many places to find love –
The question was where, not when.
Instead of working 8-10 hours a day in our mid-town office, we have all settled into a rhythm where we are scattered in different places, but we see each other regularly on zoom meetings. We are imagining the homes we live and now work in, and we still laugh and annoy each other and in some ways, we are doing what we have always done.
I started thinking the other day about the new order, post “Life on Pause.” I am still trying to wrap my head around the ways the various states and cities are opening
These are some of my take-aways:
“ It is not your job to complete the task, but neither can you desist from working at it.”
~Pirkei Avot 2:16~
Since last Monday I have been staring at the whiteness of each “new document” I open. The words do not come. I try again. Same. Me, the one who talks a lot and always tries to have something meaningful to say, now silenced.
Time is different now, but so am I. Once upon a time, I was someone who needed an alarm. Now, I rise early, my day starts with solitude and meditation, my grounding comes from internal mechanisms, not found in the confines of any one place or plan.
Lately I have been contemplating history in a way I have not done before. I have read books and watched many films and documentaries about historic events. What I have learned is that as formally “educated” as I thought I was, the pro- forma history I was taught or even lived, left me knowing very little about not only US History at large, but maybe more importantly what has led to the current state of our country and especially the questions I have of this concept of “we the people.”
"If you're not hopeful and optimistic, then you just give up. You have to take the long hard look and just believe that if you're consistent, you will succeed.” – John Lewis
At the start of the summer, I did what I usually do. I moved my wintery clothing into storage, and I replenished my closet with my summer clothes. I brought up all my shoes and carefully organized them. I stepped back and admired the jackets hanging in their section.
“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.” Neiztche
In a Hollywood Reporter article, Kareem Adbul Jabar writes, ( paraphrased) “ in any election, the candidates are irrelevant…”
“This is Real, and You are Completely Unprepared…” – Rabbi Alan Lew
This quote was inspired by the title of his book about the “Days of Awe” – the month leading up to the Jewish Holidays, Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur.
We were on my big bed – well not my bed, a bed in a home I rented on Cape Cod so I could be closer to my parents and Daniel. He and I were playing “Two Lies and a Truth” a card game I had given him for Chanukkah. We love this game, but we are terrible at it. It’s really hard to get the one truth – correct.
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